My name is Justin Anantawan and I am a gay Asian man living with HIV and carrying a history various mental health issues like borderline personality disorder, addiction, an eating disorder and depression. I am lucky as the advancements in medications have prevented HIV from progressing to AIDS and causing any major physical problems. However, the mental toll over the years has been difficult. Finding out my status 7 years ago was a traumatic experience which led me to suicidality and depression. I went through a process of grieving because I felt that many dreams and possibilities for my life had been taken away from me by HIV. To this day I still experience loneliness due to dealing with HIV stigma within the gay community. However, in spite of the challenges, I am grateful for my journey as it has forced me to be strong, to learn to stand on my own and persevere in the fight against mental health challenges that threaten to limit my potential. I often feel angry at myself and remorseful about my failures in relationships, work and art due to my mental health. However, I am also always learning to have more self compassion and be grateful and proud of what I can still accomplish and hold on to despite my struggles.
I have learned to accept and even embrace my status and use my experiences, via my activism and social work, to help others living with HIV to do the same. I currently work with Asian Community AIDS Services (@acastoronto) as an HIV self testing educator and BIPOC harm reduction coordinator and I am a National Ambassador for the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (@canfar1987). I have also worked in sexual health outreach in the gay communities in Kenya and Gambia. None of these experiences would have happened if I had not become HIV+. I have arrived at the belief that life often does not turn out to be the best possibility you wanted – however, it can often turn out better than expected – and sometimes better is better for you than the best.
My advice for folks who struggle in life – love yourself, gently embrace the imperfections of your existence and allow the lessons that life teaches to make you stronger. And know that you are beautiful in your humanity.
Love,
Justin Anantawan
I have learned to accept and even embrace my status and use my experiences, via my activism and social work, to help others living with HIV to do the same. I currently work with Asian Community AIDS Services (@acastoronto) as an HIV self testing educator and BIPOC harm reduction coordinator and I am a National Ambassador for the Canadian Foundation for AIDS Research (@canfar1987). I have also worked in sexual health outreach in the gay communities in Kenya and Gambia. None of these experiences would have happened if I had not become HIV+. I have arrived at the belief that life often does not turn out to be the best possibility you wanted – however, it can often turn out better than expected – and sometimes better is better for you than the best.
My advice for folks who struggle in life – love yourself, gently embrace the imperfections of your existence and allow the lessons that life teaches to make you stronger. And know that you are beautiful in your humanity.
Love,
Justin Anantawan
